Do You Know Jack?

WHO IS JACK SCHITT

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

Writers Block

I'm still having writers block, but then I usually say that - post something from an e-mail I have gotten and then post two other things. Who knows.

Anyway, I did receive this the other day and thought it was funny. Hope you enjoy it too.....

VOTED BEST SHORT JOKE OF 2006

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His Father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $580,000 and, unfortunately, your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford It."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard mom tell you to wait because she was coming too. I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $580,000 mortgage and no bike!"

Things You May Not Know About Me

I saw this over at Marni's and thought it woud be fun. She go this from Mishmash. The ones I have done are in bold. Check it out:

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain (Stone Mountain)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid (It smells like pee at the top)
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris (I was very young and remember most from pictures)
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne (among other things)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run (not over the fence)
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (everytime I dance)
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer (if external counts)
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends (Still do)
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign (do barricades count?)
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs (with thousands, you have to)
57. Pretended to be a superhero (does dressing like stinky diver at Halloween count?)
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites (tombs and pyramids in Egypt-I highly recommend it)
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days (yeah... right)
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date (kissed and not on a date too)
89. Gone to Thailand (won a ticket to go but didn't go)
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children/currently raising child
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking (daily)
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild (I think the ones that make you hallucinate are gathered in the wild)
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach (I think you have to when you kill them)
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (of course - been to the original Fried Green Tomatoes restaurant too)
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair (every 6-8 weeks)
147. Been a DJ (I am a DJ)
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life


Not sure what happened to 98 but it was not on Marni's list either.

Here are some things that were not on the list above, but I have done:

01. Hat a picnic lunch on the rocks at Stonehenge.
02. Visited the castles in England
03. Gone transatlantic on a boat
04. Snow skiid in Banf, Big Sky, Jackson Hole, Colorado Springs, Winter Park and Utah
05. Ridden a motor cycle on the highway - scary huh?
06. Seen Loch lake (not the sea monster)
07. Jet Skiid in the ocean
08. Sent a tape into Survivor to be a contestant (never heard back from them)
09. Been to a rain forest
10. Snorkled with a barracuda (not on purpose mind you)
11. Driven a RV
12. Done the canopy tour in Costa Rica
13. Seen a volcano errupt
14. Cruised the Nile

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow

Can you believe it? We got up to New Jersey and it snowed 6 inches overnight when we woke up on Friday. It was awesome. We were scheduled to go into Soho for facials and were able to take the 4 wheel drive jeep into the city. It was great.

We had a great visit. We tried to slide down a hill but it was not that steep and we did not go very far. It was still beautiful. We don't get much snow in Atlanta, so since it did not interfere with any of the things we planned to do or our travel back...I loved it.

No wild and crazy stories to tell. We had an excellent trip. Got to spend time with my nephews and my sister and brother in law. It was nice to just get out of town for awhile.

The town my sister lives in is very cute. It is a really nice place. Sometimes I think I could live there but I think I would really miss the south.

All Blogged Out With Somewhere To Go

I have not been too good about keeping my blog updated. Sorry about that. I thought for sure I would have plenty to say when I created my blog site. What happened?

Do you find yourself in the same situation? I feel like mostly all I do is go to work and recover over the weekend. I haven't really done anything exciting to write about lately but maybe I will when I get back from New Jersey.

I'm leaving on Wednesday and coming back on Sunday. Woohoo! Very excited. I get to see my sister, her husband, and the nephews. My 16 year old nephew has a new girlfriend so maybe I'll get to meet her.

We have facials planned in Soho on Friday. I'm excited about that too. We'll be having bangers and beans for St.Patrick's Day. I can't believe how much Irish influence there is in the Northeast, but it is very cool.

If I get a hankerin an think of something entertaining, I'll be blogging again. Otherwise, talk to you next week. If I get a chance to get on the internet, I may keep in touch.

Lifesavers

I got this the other day. I had gotten it before, but I loved it just as much this time.

Enjoy!

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers.

The children began to say:
"Red.......... cherry,"
"Yellow....... lemon,"
"Green........ lime,"
"Orange...... orange ,"
"Purple........ grape "

Finally the teacher gave them all honey lifesavers. After tasting them, none of the children could identify the taste, well, she said, I'll give you a clue. It's what your Mother may sometimes call your father.

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out on the floor and yelled: "Oh my God!!!! They're ass holes"

Interesting Fact About Arlington Cemetery

I got this in an e-mail awhile back. I thought it was pretty cool. Check it out.....


On Jeopardy the other night, the final question was How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns ------
All three missed it ---
This is really an awesome sight to watch if you've never had the chance Very fascinating. Tomb of the Unknown Soldier

1. How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why?
21 steps. It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute, which is the highest honor given any military or foreign dignitary.

2. How long does he hesitate after his about face to begin his return walk and why?
21 seconds for the same reason as answer number 1

3. Why are his gloves wet?
His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle.

4. Does he carry his rifle on the same shoulder all the time and if not, why not?
He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his march across the path, he executes an about face and moves the rifle to the outside shoulder.

5. How often are the guards changed?
Guards are changed every thirty minutes, twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year.

6. What are the physical traits of the guard limited to?
For a person to apply for guard duty at the tomb, he must be between 5' 10" and 6' 2" tall and his waist size cannot exceed 30." Other requirements of the Guard: They must commit 2 years of life to guard the tomb, live in a barracks under the tomb, and cannot drink any alcohol on or off duty for the rest of their lives. They cannot swear in public for the rest of their lives and cannot disgrace the uniform {fighting} or the tomb in any way. After two years, the guard is given a wreath pin that is worn on their lapel signifying they served as guard of the tomb. There are only 400 presently worn. The guard must obey these rules for the rest of their lives or give up the wreath pin.

The shoes are specially made with very thick soles to keep the heat and cold from their feet. There are metal heel plates that extend to the top of the shoe in order to make the loud click as they come to a halt. There are no wrinkles, folds or lint on the uniform. Guards dress for duty in front of a full-length mirror.

The first six months of duty a guard cannot talk to anyone, nor watch TV. All off duty time is spent studying the 175 notable people laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery. A guard must memorize who they are and where they are interred. Among the notables are: President Taft, Joe E. Lewis {the boxer} and Medal of Honor winner Audie Murphy, {the most decorated soldier of WWII} of Hollywood fame.

Every guard spends five hours a day getting his uniforms ready for guard duty.

ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM. In 2003 as Hurricane Isabelle was approaching Washington, DC, our US Senate/House took 2 days off with anticipation of the storm. On the ABC evening news, it was reported that because of the dangers from the hurricane, the military members assigned the duty of guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier were given permission to suspend the assignment. They respectfully declined the offer, "No way, Sir!" Soaked to the skin, marching in the pelting rain of a tropical storm, they said that guarding the Tomb was not just an assignment, it was the highest honor that can be afforded to a serviceperson. The tomb has been patrolled continuously, 24/7, since 1930.

God Bless and keep them.