Mensa - Really?

I got this in an e-mail. It cracked me up. Hope you enjoy it too. The scary part is how so many of these make such good sense.


Here is the Washington Post's "Mensa Invitational" which once again
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter - and supply a new
definition.

The winners are:


1. Cashtration (n.):
The act of buying (or building) a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite
period of time.

2. Ignoranus :
A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3 Intaxication :
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
you realize that it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.):
The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy :
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti:
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm :
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte:
To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

10. Hipatitis :
Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis:
A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon :
It's when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it's a
serious bummer.


13. Decafalon (n.):
The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
14. Glibido :
All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.):
The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.):
Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at
three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.):
The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to
its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n.
The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj.
Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.

3. Abdicate, v.
To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade , v.
To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-Nilly, adj.
Impotent.


6. Negligent , adj.
Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.
To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n.
Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n.
Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been

run over by a steamroller.



10. Balderdash , n.
A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n.
A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n.
The formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n.
A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n.
A person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n.
The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto
the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n.
An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men.

For All You Pug Lovers

Hope You Enjoyed!

Week Six

I mentioned previously that I had started Weight Watcher's. It's going pretty good. I have been sticking to it pretty good during the week, it's just the weekend that is difficult. At week 5 I hit 10 lbs. At week 6 weigh in, I gained .8 lbs. I was not too upset though. I did have pizza 2 days during that weekend. Imagine how it would have been if I hadn't. Sometimes you just have to eat what you want and move on to the next day.

Actually, it hasn't been too bad. I am getting more fruit and veggies into my diet-which is a good thing. I am getting better about planning and buying food. The frozen meals help when you just don't want to cook. I have come up with some new things that I like to try to change it up. Nothing worse than getting bored with what you are eating. The hard part is it's summer, it's hot and sometimes you just want ice cream. So like before I was on Weight Watcher's, I never craved ice cream but that's not the case these days. I will be good though.

My favorite thing to do is make things I can throw on a bed of lettuce. Many of the frozen meals are good if you mix them up and then throw them on the lettuce. Especially the Mexican meals (Fajita chicken or the Santa Fe...).

I was not good this morning for breakfast. I just needed something good. I was tired of my egg white omelets. I knew if I didn't go ahead and splurge (a little) I would splurge in a big way so I will just watch what I eat the rest of the day.

Any Weight Watcher's recipes you can give me would be appreciated. I like to cook and like to try new things. I am just trying to keep from repeating the same foods so I don't get bored and fall off the wagon.

When I went back under my 10 lbs., I asked if she wanted my 5 lb star back. She laughed and said "no, if you took off a belt and your shoes you would probably be at 10 lbs.". That was good.