I'm Done

I finished my tax return tonight. I filed it electronically so I should have the money by the end of March. I hate doing it, but when I realize I get money back I don't really mind too much.

I use TaxCut so it's really easy. I've done my own the last 3 years. I've even done it with a house and with deductions. Believe me, if I can do it anyone can.

I'd love to get more back though...how about you?

Funny Stories

Enjoy these. I got them in an e-mail the other day. I thought they were pretty funny. Hope you enjoy them too.



The best lawyer story of all time:

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."

"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to supp ort his wife and six children." The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring a huge array of private tutors?"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

And the lawyer says, "So...if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?"

..................................

Psychiatrists can learn:

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for 1 year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me 3 times a week, & we should be able to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"$80 per visit, replied the doctor."

"I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.

6 months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist.

"Well $80 a visit, 3 times a week, for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went & bought me a new pickup truck!"

"Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!"

........................................


Here is one story about people shoveling the snow for a parking space in front their house. This apparently is a problem for the Chicago police every winter.

What happens is that somebody will park in a nearby parking lot, then slave away for how ever many hours it takes to shovel out a car- sized space in front of his house, naturally so he can park his car there.

Then he goes back to the lot to get his car. When he returns home, he finds that the space has been taken by some other car. He is, well, upset.

What most people do is write nasty notes etc. and place them on the windshield of the offending vehicle.

Where the police get involved, however, is the occasional case where the individual vents his wrath in somewhat more violent means. Tires and throats have been slashed over this.

One time my friend Aaron got creative. Instead of doing the usual nasty, he got out his garden hose and watered the automobile down, real well. I mean, very, very thoroughly.

The water, of course, froze solid. When the owner returned, instead of a car, he found a car-sized Popsicle.

The note on the car read: "You want the space? Here, it's yours until spring!

Overindulgence

Check out these pictures. I got them in an e-mail the other day. Some of them are just precious. I especially love the one that's praying.

Enjoy!

High School Day's

I got this from Marni over at “It’s A Pug’s Life”, but she got it from Mish Mash. She called it the good old days, but it wasn't for me. I thought it might be a good way for you to get to know me a little better and I might actually remember something.

1. Who was your best friend (in high school)? 8th grade=Gina, Suzanne, Paulette (we were in chorus together all through high school), Cindy and Susan. 9th grade=Gina, Paulette, Cindy, Susan and Michelle. 10th grade=Gina, Paulette, Susan, Michelle and Denise. 11th grade=Denise. 12th grade=Denise, Kim, Margaret, and JB.

2. What sports did you play? Nothing at high school, but was on the neighborhood summer swim and diving team. I played softball at a local softball field.

3. What kind of car did you drive? I did not buy my first car until I was a senior (1982 Honda Civic hatchback with a sunroof – but no air conditioning). I started driving in 10th grade (the first in my group) because my birthday was in January. I had access to my parents car most of the time. A 78 silver Chevy Monte Carlo (it rocked, I called it the silver bullet) and a 78ish silver Chevy Camaro.

4. It’s Friday night, where were you? Usually went to the football games unless I was working (8th-10th).

5. Were you a party animal? Not too much, mostly just drinking beer. Not much of a pot smoker, but we loved our beer.

6. Were you in the “In Crowd”? I was friends with all crowds. I wasn’t popular, but I wasn’t a nerd either (even thought I was in chorus). I did love to sing. There were a few cool people in our chorus-we stuck together and that made it fun.

7. Ever skip school? Oh yeah. My girlfriend was a year older than me and my senior year I would skip school and go visit her at Young Harris College. It got so bad I got in real trouble. I’ll have to tell that story sometimes. It’s amazying I actually am still here to write about this.

8. Ever smoke? Cigarettes? – no, I got sick everytime I smoked.

9. Were you a nerd? No way!

10. Did you get suspended/expelled? Almost for skipping so much.

11. Can you sing the alma mater? Being that I was in chorus and we usually sang it, yes. I remember the tune and the first couple of lines, but past that – no.

12. Who was your favorite teacher? Probably Mrs. Hill. She was my 8th grade math teacher that didn’t take any crap. She would not let you say yeah or uh huh if she called on you. It was either yes or yes mam. She was pretty hard on me but probably because she knew I had potential. I had her again in 10th grade. She inspired me to want to do better in math and I ended up taking math as electives – isn’t that weird? Also, I started college as a math major. That’s even weirder.

13. Favorite class? Chorus. It was fun every day. It was not like a class, it was more of a social experience.

14. What was your school’s full name? Henderson High School in DeKalb county, GA. It’s no longer a high school though. They have turned it into a middle school.

15. School mascot? Henderson Cougars!

16. Did you go to Prom? Don’t think me and my girlfriend would have been very welcome. We never talked about it, but it would have been funny.

17. If you could go back and do it over, would you? Only if I knew what I know now. One of my childhood friends is gay. One of my best friends sister is gay. If I had known they would have been so open about it, my life would have been better but I had no one to talk to about it and could not tell anyone about it. It was a very hard time. I almost dropped out of school.

18. What do you remember most about graduation? Nothing – isn’t that sad? It was not really memorable.

19. Favorite memory of your Senior Year? Going into college my last quarter of high school. I was miserable. I didn’t have any friends or anyone to talk to at my high school. My best friend at the time went to another high school, and my girlfriend was in college.

20. Were you ever posted up on the senior wall? We didn’t have anything like this.

21. Did you have a job your senior year? Oh yeah. I worked as many hours as I could. We were only required to take 4 classes. I made enough money to pay for a new car note and the insurance.

22. Who did you date? I had a guy I sort of went with in 8th and 9th grade but I was scared to death of him (in a sexual way). Then, yes I had a girlfriend my junior/senior year (more my junior – she met someone else while she was away).

23. Where did you go most often for lunch? The lunchroom. We were not allowed off the campus. We had a rent a cop at the time. I was always scared we’d get caught.

24. Have you gained weight since then? Not according to my license. I don’t think it has changed since I was 16.

25. What did you do after graduation? There was a party to go to, but I don’t really remember who had it and what we did.

Animal Lovers

I got this in an e-mail earlier this week. I thought it was hilarious. Hope you enjoy it too.

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, Icould hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow - but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating withthe guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.... for now.

Harry Potty

I mean, Harry Potter. I am so excited about the 5th movie that will be out in July. I read books 1-4 and listened to the 5th one on tape in the car. I have book 6 sitting next to my bed. I guess I figure maybe one of these nights I'll know the story through osmosis but it is doubtful since it stays on the floor.

I read an article where Rawlings was interviewed. I can't imagine the last 17 years for her. To me, it is amazing that you can continue a character like that for 17 years. I love writers that have characters and I am amazed how they can recreate either the character or the stories to make them interesting. Maybe one of these days I'll be one of those writers. You think? Nah, just wishful thinking.

Let's all go the movies to see the 5th one in July. There's plenty of time for you guys to make arrangements to get to Atlanta so we can go together. Let me know.

Dxxx In A Box - Have You Seen It?

This is pretty funny. Not for people under 18...this is the unedited version. Starring Justin Timberlake. It is pretty funny. Enjoy.

And thanks to Haahnster for the help on the video. Hopefully it came across correctly.

Who Am I?

Is this what we have to look forward to? Probably. I got this in an
e-mail today and I just cracked up. Not sure this would happen in
church, but I am pretty sure it could definitely happen.

By the way, this is the first time I have put a picture on my site.
Not sure I did it right, but here it goes.

Which of the ladies do you think is me?