Dear Alcohol,
Dear Alcohol,
First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a hugefan of yours! My friend, you always seem to be therewhen needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, beer atthe game, and your even around in the holidays hiddeninside chocolates as you warm us when were stuck inthe midst of endless family gatherings. However,lately Ive been wondering about your intentions. WhileI want to believe that you have my best interests atheart, I feel that your influence has led to someunwise consequences:
1. Phone calls:While I agree with you that communication isimportant, I question the suggestion that anyconversation of substance or necessity takes placeafter 2 a.m. Why would you make me call thoseex-girlfriends / boyfriends when I know for a factthey do not want to hear from me during the day, letalone all hours of the night?
2. Eating:Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do yousuggest that I eat at WHAT-A-BURGER, or JACK-IN-THE-BOX, or DENNYS and some cold French fries (washeddown with WINE & topped off with a Snickers bar aftera few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? Im aneclectic eater, but I think you went too far thistime.
3. Clumsiness:Unless your subtly trying to tell me that I need to domore yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need tohammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. Its completelyunnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my bodymysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never takeme more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore:The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is gettingridiculous. I know a little penance for our previousevenings debauchery may be in order, but the 3pmhangover immobility is completely unacceptable. Myentire day is shot. I ask that, if the properprecautions are taken (water, vitamin B, breadproducts, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing outface down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn,the hangover should be minimal & in no way interferewith my daily activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some yearsnow & would like to ensure that we remain on goodterms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation formuch laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what todo with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue thisfriendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above &address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later thanThursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully wecan continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you.
P.S.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHENDRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I dont want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but youre not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isnt it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldnt. No one wants to hear me sing
For real...so like some of those words and things to say really are hard. I think I struggled with most of them Saturday night.
First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a hugefan of yours! My friend, you always seem to be therewhen needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, beer atthe game, and your even around in the holidays hiddeninside chocolates as you warm us when were stuck inthe midst of endless family gatherings. However,lately Ive been wondering about your intentions. WhileI want to believe that you have my best interests atheart, I feel that your influence has led to someunwise consequences:
1. Phone calls:While I agree with you that communication isimportant, I question the suggestion that anyconversation of substance or necessity takes placeafter 2 a.m. Why would you make me call thoseex-girlfriends / boyfriends when I know for a factthey do not want to hear from me during the day, letalone all hours of the night?
2. Eating:Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do yousuggest that I eat at WHAT-A-BURGER, or JACK-IN-THE-BOX, or DENNYS and some cold French fries (washeddown with WINE & topped off with a Snickers bar aftera few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? Im aneclectic eater, but I think you went too far thistime.
3. Clumsiness:Unless your subtly trying to tell me that I need to domore yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need tohammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. Its completelyunnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my bodymysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never takeme more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Furthermore:The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is gettingridiculous. I know a little penance for our previousevenings debauchery may be in order, but the 3pmhangover immobility is completely unacceptable. Myentire day is shot. I ask that, if the properprecautions are taken (water, vitamin B, breadproducts, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing outface down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn,the hangover should be minimal & in no way interferewith my daily activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some yearsnow & would like to ensure that we remain on goodterms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation formuch laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what todo with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue thisfriendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above &address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later thanThursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully wecan continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you.
P.S.
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
THINGS THAT ARE DOWN RIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHENDRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I dont want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but youre not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isnt it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldnt. No one wants to hear me sing
For real...so like some of those words and things to say really are hard. I think I struggled with most of them Saturday night.
posted by DJ Andi at 1/15/2007 08:46:00 PM
1 Comments:
well ... this is important ... so good realization.... and how well have u shared your feelings... i loved the way u shared it ..... i would love to drop by again... u can too visit My Friendship Blog sometimes..... hope u will find it interesting...!!!
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